Sexcapades: Get Out While You're On Top

If you're lucky, you've had great sex, but for every time there is great sex there is faceplant, horrid, bad, you should have just gone to bed instead sex. What takes a lot of knowledge is learning when the good, is going into the bad, and when to bail and take your toys home.

This story is how this particular boy got his crowning monkier... "Train." No, not because he railed me like a train, through truth be told it was frequently quite a "railing" experience more than it was on the side of something someone would consider "making love," but what fun is that anyway?

The First One To Pop Off

It has happened to me now more times than I can count, hence why I've coined the term "Wife Fluffer" and loved it and hold it bravely over my head, or across my chest. Probably across my chest since I have huge knockers and it would get noticed there more... yes, across my chest... "WIFE FLUFFER." Anywho, it happens in every great dating gal's life when one of her beau's decides to get down on one knee and look lovingly up into the woman of his dream's eyes and ask that one question that she's been longing to hear. Only thing is, that person isn't you and you're the one getting the text message. Well, that's at least how I heard about my first major "pop off" (Definition:  (1) to finish a sexual act with a completed orgasm (2) a very badly quoted term from "The Bad Girls Club" (3) propose marriage to some bitch.)

I will never forget the man, nor the moment.

Wife Fluffer... Party Of One

But oh is it one damn party! First and foremost, I guess I should describe what a "wife fluffer" is. First, a fluffer is the nice young doe-eyed dam hired on the porn sets to help prepare the male porn-stars for their "main rolls". In short, these girls give the Mr. Winky's a fluff up before the curtain call. So that's a fluffer. And a wife well, how ever you cut that one from Mrs. Cleaver to Rosanne Barr, a wife is the other person that is on the opposite end of the aisle after the "will you marry me" and "I'm going to be a Mrs." and "what china pattern do you like dear?" (like he gives a flying fuck.)